What Nana Wanted

For those of you who haven't heard yet, my nana died last week. I have not been handling it well. The first words out of my mouth when Mom told me were "Why are you lying?", shortly followed by, "What do I do?" 

So, yeah. I haven't been up to much. The past week has been a blur. We got back from Florida late last night, after the memorial on Wednesday. We were there about a week.

Worst week of my life. Worst start to a new year I could possibly imagine.

I've been through several stages. Things have been surreal. I've been angry. I've been sad. I've curled up in the fetal position and stared at the wall when my only thoughts consisted of loud internal screaming.

I have not written. I have not made art. I have not done anything productive. I have sat on my ass and Minecrafted away all thoughts and feelings until now, when I'm away from family and those who want to hug and console and talk. I haven't been able to handle it. I want to be alone.

Today I've been doing some thinking. I still have a good chunk of time until my classes start back up, and Nana would not want me to sit on my ass. She would tell me to write, and write well. She was--and, I suppose, always will be--my biggest supporter and the one who believed in me most. She and I were closer than anyone, I think.

So, for Nana, I'm going to try and keep going. I'm going to try and fulfill that promise I made myself and write until The Pixiehunter is perfect and ready to be submitted.

Because that's what Nana wanted.

I'll give it to her.