Once upon a time in high school, my mother told me something. She told me a lot of somethings, actually, but this one stands out. She said that since we were privileged enough to not need everyone in the household to bring in a paycheck, she never wanted me to have an after school job, unless I really wanted one. She told me school was my job, and I should never have to compromise my school life just for a second job. When I graduated and started college, she told me the same thing. I could live with her rent-free and not have to pay bills so long as I was making a clear effort with my classes.
About halfway into my degree, a lot of stuff happened that resulted in me dropping out. My parents moved back to our hometown, and my husband and I got our own little apartment.
There's a laundry list of reasons why I couldn't realistically get a job, and those reasons persist. When I initially dropped out, my husband turned to me and said, since I wasn't in school anymore, and since I couldn't get a so-called "real" job, I really should focus on my writing. School couldn't be my job anymore, so writing should be my job.
Thing is, it hasn't been. For a long time I rationalized not writing with, "oh, there are other things to do, and they're more important." I thought of my job not as writing, but as keeping the apartment in order.
But I'm running out of excuses. My role in our household is to do the budget and to cook. I'm not even responsible for housekeeping. My husband brings in the paycheck, our partner keeps things clean and tidy, and I do the books. That really doesn't take up a lot of my time, and I'm good at it. It's not something I have to agonize over and spend hours finagling.
Well, okay, I have to do some finagling, and sometimes there's some agonizing, but that's mostly because we live in a society that doesn't think people need a living wage. And that's another post entirely, and not one that's entirely relevant to this blog.
I digress.
My point here being...I have no excuse for writing not to be my job. I have no excuse to keep pushing it to the side and pretending I have more important things to do. I have absolutely no reason to not schedule uninterrupted time just to work on my book. And, as many people wiser than me have pointed out, if I don't treat my time as valuable, why should anyone else? If I don't set aside time just for writing, and hold myself to that, what's to stop people from continuing to act as if I don't do anything and I just waste time sitting around in my underwear?
If I don't sit down and make a real effort to make writing my job, what's to stop me from continuing to feel aimless and frustrated with all the time I waste?
So yeah. Starting today, I'm starting to pencil in several hours of writing time each day. During this time, no one is allowed to bother me unless there's a real need. I'm not going to say it's writing time and just keep goofing off on Twitter. I'm not going to pretend there are more important things I need to do and act like my writing isn't serious.
My writing is serious, and I'm not going to let anyone pretend it isn't. Myself included.
Until next time,
J.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Book Review: THE WATCHERS: HIDDEN FIRE, by Deirdra Eden
Hey everyone! It's a little late in the day, but today's post is a book review. A little while back I received a free copy of KNIGHT OF LIGHT, by Deirdra Eden, which I reviewed back in September. I was contacted and offered a copy of the sequel, HIDDEN FIRE, and I'm pleased to say that I was able to read it in time to be a part of the blog tour.
HIDDEN FIRE continues the story of Auriella, a young woman with great power. Though she is a knight and the sworn protector of England, the king refuses to listen to her counsel. In the face of war, Auriella must battle evil and master new, even stranger powers. She must also decide how she feels about a handsome and witty Scottish warrior who can teach her about her people...and how she feels about her fiance, who isn't acting quite how she expects.
I find the mythology and worldbuilding in this series to be utterly fascinating. Historical fantasy is one of my favorite genres, and the blend of real-world settings and out-of-this-world powers was one of the reasons that drew me to these books in the first place. HIDDEN FIRE follows characters who are smart and strong, and who interact with each other in ways I didn't always expect. The story balances lighthearted humor with dark themes and danger. It is fast-paced and entertaining from start to finish, with no dull moments.
Overall, I found HIDDEN FIRE both fun and entertaining. It has strong women with magic powers, corrupt kings, the return of my favorite wise-cracking sidekick, and a kilted Scotsman who, in his attempts to win over the main character, won me over completely. HIDDEN FIRE is an excellent follow-up to KNIGHT OF LIGHT, and would be a great read for anyone who loves historical-based fantasy, adventure, the powers of Heaven and Hell, and kilts (because seriously, I am all about those kilted Scottish warriors). It is a fun young-adult fantasy, but I'd say it has something for older readers, too. You can check it out at Smashwords here.
Happy reading, and 'til next time, J.
HIDDEN FIRE continues the story of Auriella, a young woman with great power. Though she is a knight and the sworn protector of England, the king refuses to listen to her counsel. In the face of war, Auriella must battle evil and master new, even stranger powers. She must also decide how she feels about a handsome and witty Scottish warrior who can teach her about her people...and how she feels about her fiance, who isn't acting quite how she expects.
I find the mythology and worldbuilding in this series to be utterly fascinating. Historical fantasy is one of my favorite genres, and the blend of real-world settings and out-of-this-world powers was one of the reasons that drew me to these books in the first place. HIDDEN FIRE follows characters who are smart and strong, and who interact with each other in ways I didn't always expect. The story balances lighthearted humor with dark themes and danger. It is fast-paced and entertaining from start to finish, with no dull moments.
Overall, I found HIDDEN FIRE both fun and entertaining. It has strong women with magic powers, corrupt kings, the return of my favorite wise-cracking sidekick, and a kilted Scotsman who, in his attempts to win over the main character, won me over completely. HIDDEN FIRE is an excellent follow-up to KNIGHT OF LIGHT, and would be a great read for anyone who loves historical-based fantasy, adventure, the powers of Heaven and Hell, and kilts (because seriously, I am all about those kilted Scottish warriors). It is a fun young-adult fantasy, but I'd say it has something for older readers, too. You can check it out at Smashwords here.
Happy reading, and 'til next time, J.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Everything Must Be Perfect
All my life, I've been a bit of a perfectionist. And by "bit," I mean I'm the kind of person who used to get pissed if I made less than a perfect score on an assignment. I would compare my test scores to my friends, and feel really inadequate if I didn't have the best marks. If a piece of artwork turned out anything to be anything different than what I had in my head, to me it was garbage. If somebody beat me in a competition, it was because I clearly didn't try hard enough or want it bad enough.
It was really, really toxic. A lot of the time, it was also egotistical and gross. I had this awful ambition to be, not the best I could be, but the best, period. Fortunately, as an adult, I've deflated my own head a bit and shed some of those toxic thoughts and behaviors (because, holy shit, I was an asshole to friends who beat me at things sometimes).
The one thing that hasn't gone away, though, is the underlying insecurity that if I show somebody something that isn't my absolute best, they'll think less of me. I mess up a drill in roller derby practice, I have to actively remind myself that my teammates won't think I'm terrible, they'll know I just need some help and encouragement (because they are all amazing people). If I let housework slide, I have to remind myself that people don't care that I have dishes in my sink and they still love me.
The really nasty one, though, is the conviction that if my writing friends read work of mine that hasn't been edited, they'll think I'm a horrible, stupid fool who has no talent and should die in a fire.
I have a lot of insecurities about my own unedited writing. And I think it's setting me back.
Getting through stuff like this has always been hell for me, and it's never been easy. But I'm trying. Nobody poops out a first draft that is 100% perfect. Hell, I don't think anybody can have a finished draft that is 100% perfect. There are always things that can be tweaked or improved, and there are always ways to become a better writer. But that's a good thing, I think. Perfection is boring.
The point of this post, really, is to say that I know I've got a ways to go in dealing with my own issues with toxic perfectionism. I'm not so bad as I was, but I still shoot myself in the foot by hoarding things I think aren't good enough.
The point is that I know this, and I'm working on fixing it. And that if you're out there reading this and you struggle with perfectionism, too, you're not alone in that. Let's all just try and remember that nobody writes a perfect first draft, everyone has bad days, and that's okay.
'Til next time,
J.
It was really, really toxic. A lot of the time, it was also egotistical and gross. I had this awful ambition to be, not the best I could be, but the best, period. Fortunately, as an adult, I've deflated my own head a bit and shed some of those toxic thoughts and behaviors (because, holy shit, I was an asshole to friends who beat me at things sometimes).
The one thing that hasn't gone away, though, is the underlying insecurity that if I show somebody something that isn't my absolute best, they'll think less of me. I mess up a drill in roller derby practice, I have to actively remind myself that my teammates won't think I'm terrible, they'll know I just need some help and encouragement (because they are all amazing people). If I let housework slide, I have to remind myself that people don't care that I have dishes in my sink and they still love me.
The really nasty one, though, is the conviction that if my writing friends read work of mine that hasn't been edited, they'll think I'm a horrible, stupid fool who has no talent and should die in a fire.
I have a lot of insecurities about my own unedited writing. And I think it's setting me back.
Getting through stuff like this has always been hell for me, and it's never been easy. But I'm trying. Nobody poops out a first draft that is 100% perfect. Hell, I don't think anybody can have a finished draft that is 100% perfect. There are always things that can be tweaked or improved, and there are always ways to become a better writer. But that's a good thing, I think. Perfection is boring.
The point of this post, really, is to say that I know I've got a ways to go in dealing with my own issues with toxic perfectionism. I'm not so bad as I was, but I still shoot myself in the foot by hoarding things I think aren't good enough.
The point is that I know this, and I'm working on fixing it. And that if you're out there reading this and you struggle with perfectionism, too, you're not alone in that. Let's all just try and remember that nobody writes a perfect first draft, everyone has bad days, and that's okay.
'Til next time,
J.
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